|With a new, Andrea-approved level of pretension!
||[Apr. 15th, 2004|10:52 pm]
Ladies of the Commonwealth,|
As I stand before you here today, having humbly become dictator of this glorious land, I would like to invite you all to address me in a familiar manner, by my nicknames, ‘Dictator’ or ‘Sir.’ I don’t want any uncalled for conceit to come between us – I want to be the kind of dictator with whom people feel they can carry on a real dialogue. Meaningful dialogue, that involves me giving orders and people obeying them while dutifully replying: “Yes, Sir, Dictator, Sir!”
I like to encourage that kind of closeness.
To commemorate this historic day, I would like to thank a few people:
First, I’d like to thank my Mom, who always told me I was perfect. So, Mom—thank you! You were right, I am perfect.
Second, I’d like to thank God, who gave me the good start that got me where I am today. I know it is every teacher’s wish to see the student surpass his own accomplishments, so I can only imagine how happy God must be right now.
I’d like to thank the President, whose hideous incompetence and possible alliance with True Evil inspired the platform and slogan for my rule of this fair commonwealth – ‘Just Be Glad I’m Not Bush.’ A more convincing platform could not otherwise have been conceived.
I would like to thank all the people who helped me get where I am today, wittingly or no. I couldn’t have done it without you. Those of you who stood in my way—someone will be along to speak with you shortly.
And finally—because I like to keep this kind of thing short— I want to thank all of you, my subjects, whom I hope to rule with a fair and benevolent hand. I plan to make ‘teh homo gay’ our largest import, so I don’t imagine that there will be many problems.
So thank you, all of you. You’ve made so terribly, terribly happy.